Life and ....Life!

I have to remember Life is Eternal. Astro IS at Rainbow Bridge.

All around me is death or dis-ease, loss. I work in a hospital, my friend's husband had a coronary and had open heart and is on life support, my other friend is dying at my age of 47 of Picks disease with no cure and others have lost or are losing their loved ones. It's so sad ... but it's LIFE! NOT DEATH!

I think I am getting this now. I believe Astro is almost channeling new information to me about believing in living...amongst the dying or disease or discomfort. How about that. That silly doggie thought he was just a mutt ... he's a Canine Professor now!

Thank goodness I am starting to have memories of him that are making me laugh.

It has been RAINING DOWNPOURING HORRENDOUS here in LA. I remember the time ....

My ex=beau, who Astro was living with after the Northridge Earthquake in 1994, called me in a panic during a horrendous rain. He said Astro got out and the streets near the dam were all flooded. I told him to go out in the car and FIND HIM!

Well later I get the disgruntled call. This from a Greek man who no more wanted a dog in his life since everything he had was destroyed in the earthquake and the last thing he needed was a hyperactive 120 pound nut like my Astro.

Seems that Astro made it across the busiest street in the valley with trees downs, etc. to go towards Woodley Park where I used to run him. The dam is near there so all the streets are closed by the cops with the barriers. My ex goes right thru the barriers out to the park with his car just floating (old Mercedes). He looks in a far field and dontcha know ... there's Astro doing what he did best - running throught the massive fields of water splashing about having the TIME of his life!!! My ex got out, whistled and he said that Astro looked up with a HUGE grin on his face and started lunging through the raging waters towards him. At this time the police are coming to bust my ex...Astro gets to the car, they obviously see why my ex is there and then ... he has to open the back door. Astro is ready to jump in and as he opens the door the ENTIRE back seat of the car fills with water! Astro jumps in like he's in the ocean happy as can be..

The drive home allowed waters to run out all sides and besides...Astro HAD to have the windows open so it could go out there ... while more came in!!!! :-)

My ex was SOOOOO mad at me for living in a one bedroom with 3 cats, not able to take Astro off his hands. But the laugh was on me...I DID end up taking him in the one bedroom. Astro led me to my real estate fortune after that.

But THAT... is another story !!! :-)

Healing days with dogs...

I met someone else suffering the loss of a 15 year old dog. He was the companion of the man's ex who herself suffers from ovarian cancer. Such a loss for her. We are not alone in our losses, ever. My other friend wrote me today that he just lost his sister-in-law. My sister-in-law died too of a brain tumor at 32 leaving behind a wonderful shephard mix. That dog lived with my mom until her death and she made the world of difference for my mom to get thru such a hard loss. Same for my brother too.

Why do we say "lost"? Where are they? They have not left the neighborhood, or town, or state. They didn't run away. Why do we say "lost"? Will they be "found" later? Rainbow Bridge says so.

I think there should be more education about death and truly about life's journey and passage to the "other side". There is comfort to me in knowing that life is eternal. It is a never ending journey. But it ends on this planet called earth and that's where the pain is. In "losing" the physicality of that which we love and hold so dear.

I am not alone in my pain. Others suffer too from "losing" their loved ones.

Maybe we should be more like those in New Orleans and get out the horse drawn carriage and jazz band and revel in the beautiful memories of ones we love. That TRULY is what they would want. I know that is what I want.

I have always said I wanted to be cremated and put in the pipe of a parking meter. My "tombstone saying" would simply be "Missy - EXPIRED - (Of course the meter would show the word Expired)..."She was a good kid ... but her time just ran out."

It would be on either Hollywood Boulevard or out in a cemetary where it would really get some notice.

Who knows. I am moving at such high speeds I usually think I am going to just spontaneously combust - sort of like the Tazmanian Devil.

Anyway, someone I know just got a dog with his girlfriend. He spent the last several years in prison and the look of love on his face was amazing. To come from that hell and into the days of joy that a dog brings. He was hold his buddy upside down in his arms cuddling his boy like a baby kissing him endlessly. And you call him a "criminal"? No, just someone that didn't get to love enough.

That was a healing day with a dog.

We have to remember there's Rainbow Bridge...

in our times of loss... thank you to whoever wrote this beautiful piece.


Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

Letting Go....

It's been quite some time since I wrote... and now I have no choice.

The love of my life...my Astro...made his transition on February 1, 2005, after a tortuous 24 hours of emergency care at three different facilities.

What do they mean when they say "he's one mass tumor of blood?" How can that be when he was actually playing with another dog just 4 days before - like a puppy almost, altho at 15 he wasn't up and moving around alot. He WAS barking and he hadn't done that forever.

I came home to a nightmarish scene that I am still trying to forget. But it's the love, the kindness, the concern, the expressions of grief from others that have helped me forget.

This has been the hardest 3 weeks of my life that I can remember. I miss my boy. My friend, my guardian, my protector, my pain in the butt when he was out of control, my silly boy, my junk yard dog, my pride and joy. He was so huge, not only in stature, but in heart. His death has touched so many people and more new people have entered into my life since his passing.

I was sent a lovely note from the Dean of UC Davis' Companion Animal program to say my vets had sent a donation in Astro's name. A beautiful Pet Grief comfort box came with lovely reminders, helpful items and grief recovery booklets to help ease the process and get me thru it. I have cards, articles, e-mails, calls from men and women, young and old, hurting for me too - knowing what a loss that unconditional love is in one's life. I have met new people that have gone through the loss and are so there for me and I feel a new kinship with strangers. I have even received the coolest black velvet canvas drawing by Astro's dogwalker that has beautiful purple heart jewels to make up his color. His mouth and face actually jump out at you at night as the reflection of the white outlining on the black creates that 3D effect. The black light didn't exactly work - just dim lights and candlelight and it's just such a great piece of art. And WHAT a fabulous subject she had to work with if I say so myself!

To love an animal is more than one can deserve in this lifetime I believe by what they give to you - and what they keep giving when they leave. The sense of importance they give to you is amazing ... and when they are gone you are left with you. Just plain you. That's what hurts. Knowing that you are not needed is one of the hardest things a human can experience.

Cats on the other hand don't really need you, they put up with your tardiness for their dinner and cleaning out their catbox...and don't russle up the sheets just as they get good and comfy or they WILL have to hurt you. But it's JUST a love scratch to tell you "hey, this is my territory, bug off until I need you again!" No, kitties are delicious and I can't live without mine now more than ever. I did have to get Rescue Remedy to put in their water as they are getting very aggressive now that Astro is out of the picture and the house seems bigger and more theirs. I believe they are grieving in their own special way. They are 16+ and 10+. That really blew my mind when I was reviewing pet records in the hospitals and noticed that Mootzie was 16+ and Mali was already 10! She's just like a kitten still! It's so wild.

I am blessed to have longevity in my animals, but I don't know how much more pain I can stand with my loss. I know others can relate, but it just seems so damned personal. So hurtful to have your best friend taken from you ... with your approval to give them the shot that relieves the torture and any pain they may feel in this life. I wish us humans could have that relief too.

I guess that's not what life is about though. It's about making it through the struggles, the pain, the grief, the loss, the hardships to appreciate the love, the kindnesses, the fun, the memories, the laughter and the lazy days of lying next to your best friend. Oh, I did say lying NEXT to him...we were equals you know. He definitely did not like the bed - TOO HOT for a Newfie/Lab. He was my big man that liked to rough the cold and the hard floor ... altho he did like this last bed I got him from Costco. He inherited a 12 year old Lab's bed he had all his life and then got to enjoy it for about 10 years before Mootzie peed all over it this summer and I had to toss it.

Somehow... I knew...the day I threw the bed out that the end was near. Call it superstition, call it a mother's intuition...I know that something happened that day that told me to love on him alot. Plus the cat really ticked me off and made me realize that life goes on. She didn't want him in her territory no more than he wanted her in his. Cats are cats and dogs are dogs. Isn't their life simple and defined nicely. They get along but know who they are - always.

More on my boy and the beauty of the beasts.

My heart goes out to all who have lost or may soon lose their beloved pets. Hug on them everyday if it is near the end and love on their memories if they have passed.

They feel us on Rainbow Bridge ... I have to believe that.